Unlikely Friendship DBZ
by Marvelous Mark
Summary: The friendship of Vegeta and Goku. Ch. 12 just in and the Final Fight is underway. Who wins? Check it out!
1. The Dump

Unlikely Friendship DBZ  
  
Chapter 1  
  
"What are you doing Kakarot? C'mon, let's go!" Vegeta said angrily. " Hold on Vegeta! I'm taking a dump!" Goku said . Goku and Vegeta are planning on going fishing, but Goku has almost ruined the trip with over active colon! You are pissing me off Kakarot! I've never heard of anyone taking this damn long shitting! What the hell did you eat? You stink!" " I have a spastic colon and it completely cleans me out when I shit. And you know I eat a lot of food, so it takes a while to get it out of my system!" Goku said. " I don't care about your damned spastic elastic colon! You just need to hurry the fuck up!" Vegeta said. " You don't have to cuss at me! I'm a good man and I don't need your corruption!" Goku said. Vegeta began to laugh. " You don't even know what corruption means do you?" Vegeta asked Goku. " It means to... uhhh.... ummm... well... it.... means... oh I got it! It means to build something!" Goku said from inside the bathroom. " That's construction you jackass!" Vegeta corrected Goku. " Okay! So I don't know what the hell it means, Gohan told me! But I was too busy eating.... uh nevermind." "Eating what Kakarot?" Vegeta asked. "Nothin'" "Tell me you liar!" Vegeta yelled. " I was eating... Chi Chi's fat ass pussy!!!" Goku said happily. " Shut up about your damn wife and hurry up!" Vegeta said. " She's not that good anyway." Vegeta said to himself. " What was that last part?" Goku asked. " Oh nothing." Vegeta said. Vegeta heard the toilet flush. Goku opened the door and exited. "Finally! You're finished. MY DAMN! YOU STUNK UP THE FUCKING BITCH PRETTY BAD HUH?" Vegeta said. " Yeah, but my ass hurts somethin feirce now!" Goku said. Vegeta walked out of the house and yelled to Goku. "Come on, or we'll miss all the fish!" Goku walked out of the house like he had something stuck up his ass. " What's the matter with you? Why are you walking like that?" Vegeta asked. " Uhhh.... I shit my damn pants..." Goku said. "Why do you have to ruin the whole damn day!? I'll just go alone!" Vegeta said as he turned to take off. " NO! WAIT! I'll change real quick!" Goku said. "Well Hurry!" A few minutes later Goku came out of the house with a pair of pants that looked identical to the ones he just had on. " Are those the same pants?" Vegeta asked. " No, but all my pants look exactly the same." Goku said. " Fine, can we go now, or do you have to put on a tampon too?!" Vegeta said sarcastically. "Sure I'm ready! Let's go!" Goku said . They took off in the direction of the lake. "Hey Vegeta, What's a tampon?" 


	2. Objective: Camp

Chapter 2  
  
After finally making to the fishing area, Goku and Vegeta set up camp. "How long are we gonna be here?" Goku asked. "I told three times already Kakarot! Until 4 o'clock tomorrow afternoon!" Vegeta said. " Why couldn't we have brought Krillin or Oolong with us?" Goku asked. "Why do you want those faggets here?" Vegeta said. " Well, I want someone to sleep in my tent with me, and you won't!" " Why do you want someone to sleep with you?!" Vegeta said. "Because I'm scared of the dark!" Goku said with a shiver."You mean to tell me that you can fight the toughest sumbitches in the universe, but you're afraid of the dark!!!?" Vegeta said. "I don't know why. I think it it's because when me and Krillin were kids, he was sleep walking in the dark and he tried to stick his dick in my mouth." Goku said. "I told that boy was queer!" Vegeta said. After much dispute, Goku got Vegeta to let him bring a friend, as long as it wasn't Krillin. Two hours later Goku came flying in with Oolong and Master Roshi. " I said ONE friend Kakarot!" Vegeta said angrily. "You gonna let this dude talk to you like that Goku?" Roshi said. "Shut up you old fart, before I break my foot off in your ass!" Vegeta said to Roshi. "Whoa Vegeta! I was just kidding! Don't hurt me!" Roshi said. "I want some corn!" Oolong said. "We don't have any corn." Goku said. "Dig some out of your asses!" Vegeta said. Goku stuck his hands down in the back of his pants and began digging up a storm. "Kakarot!!! I was being sarcastic!!!! Damn!" Roshi and Oolong began to laugh. "Oh! I thought you was serious." Goku said as he pulled his pants out of his pants. Goku suddenly stuck his hand in Oolong's mouth. " Here's some corn Oolong!" Goku said. Oolong began spitting and coughing. "That was wrong man!" Oolong said still spitting. Suddenly Oolong threw up on Goku. Vegeta and Roshi laughed. "What? Was my corn rotten?" Goku asked. Everyone laughed even harder. 


	3. Finally Fishing

Chapter 3  
  
Finally some fishin'!!!  
  
After a while of back and forth arguing, Vegeta and Goku and the others got down to some good damn fishing. Vegeta sat up everybody's fishing rods, because Goku was to stupid to get the job done, and Roshi and Oolong were playing chess, thats right, CHESS! Unbelievable! "Checkmate!" Roshi exclaimed. "No hell it is not! You took a pawn, and my king is on the other side of the damn board!" Oolong shouted. "Would you two fools shut the fuck up!" Vegeta yelled. They did and Vegeta focused on his fishing. Goku saw a fish come up to his line and take bait right off the hook. "That's Bull-Shit!!! Son of a Bitch! I'm gonna kill you mother fucker!" Goku yelled as he suddenly went Super Saiyan 2. "This should be good." Vegeta said under his breath. "Why is he so mad?" Oolong asked as he turned to look at Goku. While Oolong turned Roshi set up a checkmate. "What the hell happened to the board?" Oolong asked when he turned back around. "Uh.. I dunno!" Roshi said. "You set up a checkmate didn't you?" "Yeah..." Roshi said. "Well I don't care." Oolong said. "Why is that?" "Because you put yourself in checkmate, not me!" "Awe shit! Dammit!" Roshi said, very ashamed.  
  
Goku jumped into the water and swam after the fish. Goku yelled a muffled curse at the fish. He thought to himself, "They all look the same! Which one of these fuckers was it?!" Vegeta looked on from the lake side. "Kakarot has lost his mind if he thinks he'll find that same fish!" Vegeta smiled as an idea occurred to him. "Fool!" He said. Vegeta shot a blast at Goku. The blast crashed into the water and followed Goku. Goku looked back. "That damn fish is following me! How did it get so powerful, it's only a fish! Oh well, take this!" Goku said as he turned and shot a couple of blasts. Vegeta laughed at the site. Goku destroyed what he thought was the fish. Vegeta then yelled "Big Bang Attack!!!!" and a huge blast was sent after Goku. Goku looked back and saw the blast. "You fucking damned fish! I'll make you pay, you bastard! Ka-... Me... Ha.... Me...Haaaaaaaa!!!"He yelled as he shot his favorite attack at the blast. The two blasts collided and exploded, shooting Goku out of the water. Goku was cheering for himself, thinking he had destroyed the fish. Goku landed beside Vegeta, and fish began falling around them that had been blown out of the water. "Noooo! They're everywhere!!! The damn bitches! They're demons!!!!" Goku yelled as he shot blasts at them. "They are only fish Kakarot! Those blasts were mine!" Vegeta said." Oh... I uh.. I knew that!" Goku said.  
  
Later that night they told ghost stories. Roshi had just through telling his. "That shit wasn't scary you old fuck! It was about a damn woman with no pussy! That's not scary! It's just fucking stupid!" Vegeta said. "I got one!" Goku said. "You mean the one about the mutating buger?" Vegeta asked. "Oh, I told that one?" "Yes! Every chance you get! It's about a damn buger that can suck people's brain out and grow bigger! Whoop dee fuckin do!" Vegeta said. " Fine then! You tell one!" Goku said. "Okay I will! Once upon a time Vegeta was out camping and he got pissed off and killed Goku, Oolong , and The old fart Roshi!" Vegeta said. "That wasn't a scary story!" Oolong said. Roshi got up and began screaming and flapping his arms. "The Vegeta is coming after us, It's in the woods!" Roshi yelled. "I'm right here you stupid fuck!" Vegeta said. "Oh" Roshi said as he stopped. Then he thought a minute, and began yelling again. "He's here, we're doomed!" Vegeta decided to get some fun out of this and he chased Roshi with a pocket knife. "You stupid FUCK! DIE!!!" Vegeta said as he stabbed Roshi many times, then he blasted him into the air and let him fall to the ground with a thud. "Vegeta!!!" Goku yelled. "Oh shut up!" Vegeta said as he gave Roshi a senzu bean. The bean healed Roshi immediately. "I was just fuckin with ya old bitch!" Vegeta said to Roshi. "Sure..."Roshi said as he began jacking his dick. "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING???!!!!" Vegeta shouted. "I'm whackin my mutha fuckin log bitch!" Vegeta slammed his fist into Roshi's face. Roshi fell to the ground, but continued to jack- off. "Noo Vegeta! He has jack-off seizures! Don't kill him!" Goku yelled. "Fine!, but he better stop soon or I'll blow myself up again!!!" Vegeta said as he walked to his tent. Soon the others went to bed too. 


	4. Announcement

Chapter 4  
  
Announcement  
  
Early the next morning, Vegeta is awoken by excessive arguing between Goku and Master Roshi. "What are you two babbling about?" Vegeta asked as he walked out of his tent. "I did not!" Roshi yelled as if didn't hear Vegeta. "Yeah ya did you old bitch!" Goku yelled back to Roshi. "Hey you deaf fucks! What the fuck is going on here!?" Vegeta shouted. "This old bastard nutted on my pants!" Goku said as he pointed to a stain on his pants. "I told you! I did not do it!!!" Roshi yelled. "Then who the fuck did?" "I don't know, maybe Vegeta." Roshi said. Vegeta smacked Roshi in the head. "I don't care to release my... jizz on Kakarot, you fool!" Vegeta said. "Then it had to be Oolong!" Goku said. "Where did that fat piece of shitty bacon go!?" Vegeta said. He's so weak, I can't sense his power!" Goku said. "I can't smell the little fucker either!" Roshi said. Suddenly a space pod landed and made a huge crater. "What the fuck is that damn thing?!" Vegeta asked. "How should I fuckin know?" Goku said. "It was a rhetorical question, you jackass!" Vegeta said. The pod slowly opened and out stepped a brown creature.  
  
"Where the fuck am I?" The creature said. "You are on Earth." Roshi said. "Where is Elliot?" The creature asked. "Who!? We don't know any damn Elliot, but who the fuck are you?" Vegeta asked. "What region am I in?" said the creature. "Near West City! Now answer me! Who the hell are you?" Vegeta said. "MOTHER FUCKER!!! SON-OF-A-BITCH!!! I landed in the wrong fucking SPOT AGAIN!!! I am known as E.T. I am here for a worldly tournament, and I need to tell Elliot!" "I don't know a damn Elliot, but tell me where this tournament will be!" Vegeta said. "It's in the North Mountain region of East City! Now I must be off!" ET said as he got in his pod and left.  
  
They all packed their stuff and got ready to go. "Where is Oolong?" Roshi asked. "Oh... I don't need to ask him anything. I nutted on myself." Goku said. Vegeta had a look of disgust on his face. "Why the fuck did ya do that?" Vegeta asked. "I was thinking of Chi Chi, and I had a wet dream!" Goku said. "You are one odd sumbitch Kakarot!" Vegeta said. "But still, where is Oolong?" Roshi asked. "HEY YOU FAT PIG! COME HERE NOW!!!" Vegeta yelled at the top of his lungs. They heard a rustle in the bushes and out came Oolong. "Where the hell have you been?!" Roshi asked. "I went to go take a dump! Can I have some privacy, you damned fools!" Oolong said angrily. "I'm no damn fool, you jackass!" Vegeta said as he slapped Oolong in the head. "Well... I am a fool, but anyway." Goku said as he slapped Oolong's head. Roshi slapped Oolong as well. "Come on you guys, we have a tournament to get to!" Vegeta said. 


	5. The Tournament

Chapter 5  
  
The Tournament  
  
Goku and Vegeta took their stuff home and Roshi and Oolong went back to Kami House. Vegeta had a quick fuck with Bulma and called Goku to tell him to come on to the tournament. Goku made his way to Vegeta's house and they left together. "You think that jackass Hercule will be there?" Vegeta asked Goku. "He's not that bad a guy. He'll be there I'm sure. Ya know, Gohan and Videl are getting married! Gohan knocked her up, that damn broad!" Goku said. "I fucked Videl too! That child better not be mine!" Vegeta said. "They had a test. It's definitely Gohan's kid! I was worried that it might be mine! I hit that shit too. So did Piccolo, as well as Yamcha and Tien... and Krillin hmmm... Oh and Master Roshi!" Goku said. "Damn!!! I didn't know she was bein passed around the fuckin planet, getting fucked by every man and Namek there is! I better not have gotten anything from that skank!" Vegeta said. "Don't worry Vegeta. She said you popped her cherry. You were the first. Aww... so cute!" Goku said. "Shut up Kakarot!"  
  
Later they finally made it to the tournament. They qualified easily, and the other competitors were chosen. "Now we will announce the eight tournament fighters!" The announcer said. "1st we have Vegeta! 2nd we have Goku. 3rd we have... ET! 4th we have... Big Bird! 5th we have... Snoop Dogg. 6th we have... Mario from Super Mario Bros. 7th we have... Darth Vader! And finally the 8th competitor is, of course, our Champion Hercule!" "This will be an easy tournament Kakarot!" Vegeta said. "It sure will!" Goku said. They both rest assured that they would be the finalists, not any of the other fighters.  
  
"Before the first match, I would like to welcome mine and your.... World Champion! Hercule!!!" The announcer said. Hercule walked up the three steps and into the squared ring. "Good People! I am your Champion and I will remain in that status even through the finals, no matter who may be my opponent. Yeah! I won't hurt ya too bad! You people are my fans and I must adorn you. Yeah!" Hercule enthusiastically shouted. "Why does his Afro-Ass keep sayin 'Yeah'? No one is asking him a damn question!" Vegeta said. "He's just an entertainer." Goku said. "You're just a fuckin genius, aren't you?!" Vegeta said. "A.... uh... a... genital?" Goku asked. "GENIUS, not genital!" Vegeta yelled. "Oh, I misunderstood ya!" Goku said. Hercule finally finished speaking, and the competitors for the first match were called. "Big Bird and Mario, please come to the ring." They entered the ring and the match begun. "Are you gonna study your opponent Vegeta?" Goku asked. "Fuck naw! These amateurs are nothing to me my Big Bang Attack!" Goku and Vegeta laughed.  
  
Stay tuned for Chapter 6. Who will win the 1st match? 


	6. Match 1: Big Bird vs Mario

Chapter 6  
  
Match 1: Big Bird vs. Mario!  
  
Vegeta and Goku looked on as the first match started. "BEGIN!" the announcer shouted. Big Bird eyed Mario, and Mario eyed Big Bird. "Itsa me... Mario!" "Today's letter is 'F'! For 'Fuck You'!!!" BB yelled to Mario. "Oh me see howsya gonna play! I'll just have to use star power to whup that candy ass!" Mario said. "Today's number is 2! For the second finger from my thumb I'm holdin' up to yo ass!" BB said. "Ahhhhhhh!" Mario yelled as he rushed toward BB. BB stepped aside and kicked Mario in the back. "That shitsa hurt!" Mario yelled. Mario jumped up and landed on Big Bird's head. "That shit ain't gonna work on me! I'm no damn Koopa Troopa bitch!" BB said as he grabbed Mario and slammed him to the ground. Mario got up and flipped back then jumped forward with a mega punch. "Fuuuuuuck!!!! Yooouuuuu!!!!" Mario yelled, but his punch missed the target. BB flew into the air and bent over. "What the fuck are you doin!" Mario yelled. BB strained as if he were constipated. Suddenly, a fat ass egg shot out of BB's ass. The egg shattered on Mario's face. Yolk went everywhere. "Fuck!!!" Mario yelled. The yolk burned into Mario's skin. "That was my Big Bird Bomb Egg!" BB shouted as he flew to the ground.  
  
"Look at those fools Kakarot, they're pathetic!" Vegeta said. "I think they're pretty good." Goku said. "Are you scared of them?" Vegeta said with an evil grin. "Uh... No, not me!!!" Goku said as he scratched his head. "Do you have lice, you fifthly bastard?" Vegeta asked. " Yeah, we have some light bulbs at home!" Goku said. "Lice! Not lights!" Vegeta yelled. "Oh! Hell no! I don't have lice... what's lice?"  
  
BB was running toward Mario with a fury of a mad turtle! "You will die!!!" BB yelled. "Sorry, no killing!" The annuncer explained. "Uh... You will not die, but be hurt badly!!!" BB yelled. Mario could do nothing. "I can't be beat! I beat Bowser, but can I beat Big Bird?" Mario thought to himself. Mario looked down, trying not to accept his fate. He saw a dandelion growing from a crack in the tournament ring. "Can it work?" Mario thought. BB was closing in on Mario. Mario grabbed the flower and stuffed it into his mouth. "Fuck! This mother fucker tastes terrible!" Mario said. Mario felt a surge of energy go through him. "Time to put the fire to his ass!" Mario yelled. Mario shot a huge ball of fire, thanks to the energy of the flower. BB's eyes widened and his pupils grew smaller. "Noooooo!" BB yelled as the fire ball hit him, knocking him back and out of the ring. "Take that, you ABC-123 big fat punk ass bitch pussy!" Mario shouted. The announcer walked onto the ring. "The winner is... Super Mario!"  
  
"That was a shock, I thought Big Bird was gonna win!" Goku said. "You seem worried Kakarot. You're scared of that brick smashin sumbitch! I can smell it on you!" Vegeta said. "That's just my ass you smell!" Goku said. Vegeta squinted his eyes at Goku and spit next to him. "That wasn't nice!" Goku said. "Who said I was a nice person?"  
  
Stay tuned for Chapter 7, and the second match. 


	7. Match 2: Goku vs ET

Chapter 7  
  
Match 2: ET vs. Goku  
  
The announcer stepped into the ring and called the next two competitors. "Will Goku and ET please come to the ring." Goku walked to the ring with ET followed right behind him. Goku looked at the waddling ET and almost lost his nerve. Goku snickered under his breath. The announcer stepped out of the ring. "BEGIN!!!" he called.  
  
ET ran with his long feet and stubby legs toward Goku. Goku simply side-stepped out of ET's way. "Ahhhhhhhhh! I kill you!!!!" ET yelled. "You? You can't do nothin to me Bitch!" Goku retorted. ET stuck out his brown tongue at Goku. "Ewww! Are you shitting out of you're mouth?" Goku asked. "That was my tongue, not shit! Ohhhhhh I'll kill you for that!" ET ran toward Goku and shot a red blast from his hand. Goku didn't have time to dodge, so he was hit. "That blast didn't hurt. Hell, it made me feel better!" Goku said. "My blasts only have the ability to heal, not hurt..." ET sadly said. "Awww... You're just a sorry little bitch aren't you?!" Goku said as he laughed. "No! This just means I'll have to beat you with my bare hands!!!" ET yelled. Goku rushed up to ET and slammed his fist into ET's mouth and snatched out his tongue. "Aoohhhhhhh!!!! my ung! Ya shumbick!" ET yelled. Goku just laughed. Suddenly two men dressed in black suits, hats , and sunglasses jumped into the ring!  
  
"Who are those fools?!" Vegeta said. They approached Goku. "We are the Blues Brothers, and we're here to stop you Goku. ET is our good friend, and we will avenge HHHIIIIIMMMM!!!!!!!" Elwood, the tallest Blues Brother, said. They attacked Goku, but Goku didn't budge. "oohhh, uh uh, bey are ot my fweds! (No, uh-uh, they are not my friends!)" ET yelled desperately. Goku slung the Blues Brothers out of the ring and onto the ground. They managed to get up only to see Carrie Fisher at the entrance. She held a M- 16 in her hands and pointed it at the brothers. "For my mother, my father, and the common good..."She began. "Oh shut the fuck up bitch!" Vegeta said as he slapped her in mid-sentence. He destroyed her with a Big Bang attack.  
  
The brothers looked on in awe. "Oh thank you for saving us!" Elwood said. "KA ... ME... HA... MEEEE.... HAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!" Goku yelled as he shot his favorite blast at The Blues Brothers. The blast collided with them and they were no more. Goku and Vegeta laughed at the awkward ordeal. The announcer stepped into the ring. " I'm sorry, but due to tournament policy, I have to disqualify ET since his buddies helped him on his behalf." "ooooohhhhhhh!!!!! ere ot my aam fwends! (Nooo, they're not my damn friends!)" ET yelled. "Goku is the winner!" The announcer exclaimed. "Ohhhhhhhh" ET yelled. "Shut up mother fucker!!!!!" Vegeta shouted. "FIIINAAAL FLAAAASH!!!" Vegeta yelled as he shot a huge that killed ET. Goku walked back to were Vegeta was and they laughed about the piece of shit's fate.  
  
Stay tuned for Chapter 8 !!!!!!!!!!!!!! 


	8. Match 3: Snoop Dogg vs Hercule

-1Chapter 8

Snoop Dogg vs. Hercule

After the killing of ET, Elliot left, but not before buying some weed from Snoop Dogg. Vegeta looked on as the deal went down. "If he asks me to buy that shit, I'll kill him!" Vegeta said. "Me too!" Goku said. "Your stupid ass son, Gohan, smokes that shit!" Vegeta exclaimed. "I put a stop to that!" "How? Vegeta asked. "I ate all his weed, but Chi Chi made me throw it up! He still tried to smoke it, but it was useless. He said he could buy more, but I went around and killed all the dealers!" Goku said. "You missed one!" Vegeta said as he pointed to Snoop Dogg. "Oh well, I'll get him after the match." Goku said. "What if he wins, you'll be disqualified for killing a winning fighter!" Vegeta said. "I'll just have to wait then." Goku said.

Snoop Dogg walked over to Vegeta and Goku. "Heyjizzle my nizzles!" Snoop Dogg said. "What?" Goku said. "We don't speak jackass! So shut the fuck up!" Vegeta shouted. "Wizzle my nizzle, I just wizanted to knizow if yizou wanted some wizeed." Snoop Dogg said. "Shit no! I'll fucking kill you for that!" Vegeta said as he began to hit SD. Goku grabbed his arm and stopped him. "Don't! You'll be DQ'ed!" Goku said. "Let go of me Kakarot! You just wait till after the match!" Vegeta said pointing to SD.

The announcer called SD and Hercule into the ring. Everyone cheered for Hercule, but only stoners cheered for SD, and they didn't even know who he was! "Fight!" The announcer yelled. "This fight will be off the hizzle fa shizzle my nizzle!" SD said to Hercule. "HAHAHAHAHA! You keep dreamin pal! I'm the champ, and I'll destroy you like I did Cell!" Hercule said. SD pulled out a blunt and lit that bitch up! "Mmmmm... Now I'm hungry, got some chicken?" SD asked. "No! Now fight me you dope head!" Hercule said as he punched SD in the face. "Damn! This weed has a kick to it!" SD said. "That was me!" Hercule said with another punch. SD stepped back then jumped up and slapped Hercule's fro. "I call that, Snoop Jitsu! Off the shizzle!" SD yelled. "Okay, you've done it! No one fucks up the do!" Hercule said as he fixed his hair. SD lit up another blunt, then another, and another, until he was smoking four blunts at once. "I'm smokin fo blunts at once! Hey that rhymes. Yeah thats my new platinum hit! Yo yo yo my bitch! I be smokin fo blunts! All fo at once!" SD sung. Hercule kicked SD in the gut before he sung another verse.

Snoop Dogg was so high that he stumbled back and out of the ring. "We have a winner! Hercule!" The announcer shouted. Hercule laughed at SD. "Aww damn! I lizost! But I still got an ounce of weed!" SD said. Vegeta grew a blast in his hand. Goku then grew one in his hand. They both shot a blast at SD, killing him. They both laughed at the stoner. Hercule prayed to himself that something would happen to Vegeta and Goku so he wouldn't have to fight them.

Stay tuned for Chapter 9! Vegeta vs. Darth Vader!


	9. Match 4: Vegeta vs Darth Vader

Finally, the match we've all been waiting for...  
  
Chapter 9: Vegeta vs. Darth Vader!!!  
  
"The final match of the quarter-finals is up! I now call Vegeta and Mr. Vader to the ring!" The announcer shouted over the mic. Feeling good after blasting Snoop Dogg all to hell, Vegeta entered the battered ring. Darth Vader followed with a pimpish strut. Many people cheered for Vader and many booed him. "Don't hate the Vader, Hate the force!" Vader said in his raspy, low tone voice. Vegeta gave a slight frown at the Sith warrior and then made an all too common gesture with his middle finger. "Hey V-man! Shut your damn mouth and come get a piece of ass-whup pie!" Vegeta exclaimed. Vader pointed at himself. "You talkin' to me. Hey man, don't be a Vader Hater!" Vader retorted. "I don't hate you... I just loathe you. Is that so bad?" Vegeta asked. "I suppose not... Hey wait a minute!" Vader said as Vegeta laughed. "Let's begin the match!" The announcer yelled.  
  
The bell rung and the fight was on. Vader whipped out his trusty lightsaber and Vegeta whipped out... well... he doesn't have anything to whip out. (Unless you're talking about that!) "What can you do that I can't?" Vegeta asked. "This!" Vader said as he waved his hand and made the Announcer fly through the air. "HEY!!! Put me down you Jedi Jackass!" The announcer yelled. He was thrown to the ground as he wished. "A Jedi's mind is more powerful than any blast you can throw at me!" Vader said. "Let's see!" Vegeta said as he shot a blast at Vader. Again Vader waved his hand and the blast stopped right in front of him. He then sent it back at Vegeta. The blast impacted on Vegeta and sent him flying back. Finally, he stopped and regained his footing. He let out a smirk which grew into a huge grin. "Maybe you will be a challenge." Vegeta said as he flew toward Vader.  
  
Darth Vader waved his hand again and Vegeta stopped in front of him. "You will now walk out of this ring and disqualify yourself." Vader said. Vegeta's eyes were glazed over and a blank stare resonated from them. "I will walk off the ring and disqualify myself." Vegeta said in a mild tone. He began to walk to the end of the ring, but suddenly he turned around. "Sike!" Vegeta said as he flew up to Vader and pounded his fist into Vader's gut then kicked him in the head. "That jedi mind shit won't work on me. I'm the best strategizer around! I fight dirty and I like it! I would say I'd see you in hell, but this blast might constitute a complete eradication of your being throughout all dimensions!" Vegeta said as he launched his favorite blast. "BIG... BANG.. AAAAATTAAACK!!!!!" The explosion was enormous and when the dust settled, Vader was no more.  
  
"The announcer walked into the ring, or what was left of it and began to speak. "As the rules state, murder of another fighter eligible to win, which means during a battle or before a battle, will result in challenger disqualification. I'm sorry Vegeta, but you're disqualified for killing Vader before the match was won by you." "But I would have won anyway. Can't you accept that, you bastard!?" Vegeta yelled. "Rules are rules. And you broke them. I'm sorry." The announcer said. "Yeah, you're gonna be sorry!!!" Vegeta said as he grabbed the announcer by the collar. "Wait!" Goku yelled, "as you can see on the tape, Vader ran from the blast until he was outside of the ring. He therefore was eliminated before he was killed. You couldn't see it because the blast was too bright, but the film doesn't lie! Play the tape boys!" The tape was played over the big screen and proved what Goku said was true. "I see! Then I declare Vegeta the winner!" The announcer said as Vegeta put him down. Vegeta walked back to the back where Goku was waiting.  
  
"How did your dumbass know about all that tape crap?" Vegeta asked. "I have a bachelor's degree in filmotography!" Goku said. "There's no such thing Kakarot!" Vegeta said. "Okay, I say it on TV. But it was still a good idea right?" Goku asked. "Yeah I guess. But how did you know he really ran off the stage?" Vegeta asked. "It was just a good guess!" Goku said.  
  
The announcer told everyone that a new ring needed to be constructed and that everyone could come back in the morning for the semi-finals. Goku and Vegeta flew home for night. Goku decided to spend the night at Capsule Corp., the home of Vegeta and Bulma. What surprises are in store for our unlikely friends?  
  
Stay Tuned for Chapter 10 and the Next Match: Goku vs. Mario!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 


	10. Match 5: Goku vs Mario

Chapter 10: Goku vs. Mario  
  
Goku and Vegeta had to get some well deserved rest before the next day, so Goku was invited to Capsule Corp. for the night. Vegeta was hesitant, but figured Goku couldn't do much harm to his house. Late that night, while Vegeta was in bed with Bulma, Goku wandered in, sleep-walking. Vegeta heard him and slightly opened one eye and fixed it on Goku. "What is this imbecile doing now?" He thought. Vegeta saw that Goku's eyes were closed and figured that he was sleep walking. "I hear that when people are woken from sleep walking, they tend to get violent." Vegeta thought, "I think this is a perfect time for a wake up call!"  
  
Vegeta jumped up and slapped Goku across the mouth and yelled at him. "Wake up mother fucker!!!" Vegeta screamed in Goku's ear. Goku woke up and began swinging at Vegeta without thinking. He landed a couple of blows then Vegeta retaliated with a kick to Goku's gut and an elbow to the back of Goku's head. Goku looked up and saw Vegeta. "What happened?" Goku asked. "You attacked me Kakarot!" Vegeta said in a condescending voice. "Well... I'm sorry... I just can't help but sleep walk." Goku said. "Whatever, just go back to bed and get some rest." Vegeta said.  
  
The next was a bright and sunny day; good for fighting! Vegeta and Goku went back to the tournament and Goku got ready for his match against Mario. As Goku was stretching he heard a rip. When he looked back he saw that his tail had grown back and ripped out of his pants.. Both he and Vegeta were amazed that this had happened. "It must have grown back due to the shock of being woke up while sleep walking." Vegeta said. "Guess so." Goku said.  
  
Finally, Goku and Mario's match was up. The match started with a bang as Mario shot a huge fireball at Goku, but Goku dodged easily. After a few flurries of punches and kicks, Mario grew furious. Fatigue was setting in and he wanted to finish the match soon. Suddenly, Luigi jumped out of the audience and threw Mario a fat ass mushroom. "Damn little plumber!" Goku yelled as he blasted Luigi into oblivion. Mario caught the mushroom and chomped on it. Before Goku's very eyes, Mario grew to ten times his normal size.  
  
Goku knew he couldn't contend with a oversized plumber, so he shot a huge blast into the air and looked directly at it. Suddenly, Goku began to grow fur and his teeth grew sharp. Goku grew to the size of Mario, for he was now in his Great Monkey form known as Oozaru. Vegeta longed to be that way again, because he had most of his fun in that raging form. Goku and Mario began a fight of giants. Mario jumped up and stomped on Goku's head. Dazed, but still in control, Goku opened his mouth wide and shot a humongous blast at Mario.  
  
Mario fell and shrank back to his normal size. He was counted out and Goku was declared the winner. After a while, Goku too shrank back to his normal size. Goku walked over to Vegeta. "How was that battle?" Goku asked. "Get away from me Kakarot!" Vegeta yelled. "What did I do?" Goku asked. "Look at yourself! Put some damn clothes on!!!" Vegeta yelled. Goku looked down and saw... Lil Goku flinging in the breeze. "Oops!" Goku said as he ran off. Vegeta was disgusted but he had to get ready for his match with Hercule, and that he did.  
  
Stay tuned for Chapter 11: Vegeta vs. Hercule!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 


	11. Match 6: Vegeta vs Hercule

Chapter 11: Vegeta vs. Hercule!  
  
The time has come, for the most powerful person on Earth to fight. That man is Hercule. Yeah right!  
  
Vegeta was well prepared for his match, and Hercule had sweat dripping from his brow. "What the hell am I gonna do?" Hercule asked himself. "You're gonna get your ass whupped, boy!" a familiar tall green man said as he walked by. "Piccolo, what are you doing here?" Vegeta asked. "I came to watch the fight. And I brought some brewskies, courtesy of Mr. Popo!" Piccolo answered as he sat the beer on a nearby table. Both he and Vegeta popped a can open and drank the whole thing in less than three seconds. "Gimme another!" Vegeta said. Piccolo tossed a beer to Vegeta, and they countinued drinking for about ten minutes.  
  
Finally, Goku came back wth some new clothes on, even though they looked exactly like the ones he had on before. "Did you buy a crate of those damned gis from Sam's or something?" Vegeta asked. "No, everytime I look in the closet, there is a brand new gi there. I don't know how it gets there, because Chi Chi says she didn't put it there." Goku said. Goku noticed Piccolo sitting at the table and offered a friendly salutation. "Goku, I put those clothes in there every time I come over to fuck..., nevermind, I don't know how they got there." Piccolo said.  
  
The announcer finally called Vegeta and Hercule to the ring. Hercule slowly walked over to Vegeta and whispered in his ear. "If you would please throw the fight, I will give you a billion zeni." "WHAT! Throw the fight! You coward, I'll never throw a fight for money, it's dishonorable!" Vegeta yelled. Everyone in the crowd got quite, for they would have never believed that Hercule would ask such a thing. "Uh... h-he's lying!" Hercule said. Vegeta looked sadistictly at Hercule, and gritted his teeth. "You fat, fucking, lying, bastard-ass, slobby, shit-mouth, mother fucking, ass-wipe of a son of a bitch!" Vegeta said, "I'll tear you into peices!" Goku ran up to the ring. "No Vegeta, don't. He's part of my family now. He and I are Pan's grandfathers. Just let it go." Goku pleaded. "Fine Kakarot, but I will not throw the fight!" Vegeta said. "Okay!" Goku said as he ran back to where Piccolo was.  
  
The announcer rang the bell for the match to begin, and in one, furious punch, Vegeta knocked Hercule out of the ring. No one could believe it, this was the first time ever, that Hercule had been beaten. Some people in the crowd were crying, others were swearing at Vegeta. "You stupid fuckers want another massacre like what hapened a few years ago?!" Vegeta yelled. But no one remembered since they were all wished to forget those days. A tall skinny man jumped out the crowd with a shotgun in his hands and ran up and shot Vegeta. All the shot bounced off and the man looked puzzled. Vegeta walked to the man and said "You'd better sit back down before I get even more pissed off!" The man, in a state of horror, ran out of the stadium, screaming.  
  
Vegeta walked to the back stage area and sat down for some more beer. "Would you have really blasted them again Vegeta?" Goku asked. "No. I just wanted to have a little fun with them, but they didn't know what the fuck I was talking about, so forget it." Vegeta said. "I guess it's just you and me now, huh?" Goku said. "Yeah Kakarot, and I'm not going to hold back against you!"  
  
Stay tuned for Chapter 12: GOKU vs. VEGETA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 


	12. The Final Fight

-1Chapter 12: Goku vs. Vegeta

Finally, the time has come for the greatest fight in the history of history. An epic battle of which no one has ever seen the likes. Arguably the greatest hero of all time, Goku, versus arguably the greatest anti-hero of all time. This is their final fight!

Since Vegeta landed on Earth many years ago, he's fucked some shit up, but he's also become one of the people. Even after his stint as the evil Majin Vegeta, he is upholding the Earth by defending it whenever needed. Goku on the other hand has been eating ungodly amounts of ramen noodles and rice and blasting ass chunks all over the bathroom walls. Through this all, Vegeta and Goku have come to a very unlikely friendship. They sit in the back, preparing themselves for their toughest battle yet. They have opted to stay separated before the fight.

"Now, ladies and gentlemen!" The announcer shouted. "It is time for our main event! The finals match is about to be under way! Would Mr. Vegeta and Mr. Goku please step into the ring!"

Both competitors step into the ring. First Vegeta, then Goku. As Goku steps up, he trips over his own foot and slams his face into the concrete.

"Damn, Kakarot! You're whoopin your own ass!" Vegeta said, chuckling. In Vegeta's corner was his beer buddy, Piccolo. By now, the green man was considerably drunk.

"I'm drunk as hell! I bet Kame is fucking wasted!" Piccolo said right before falling out on the ground. In Goku's corner was his son, Gohan, who was high.

"I'm fucking high like.. A fucking high something!" Gohan said, laughing. Goku began to wonder why he even brought his son to the fight.

"Begin!" The announcer shouted and the fight was on!

"I'll your ass from your spine, Kakarot!" Vegeta stated sadistically.

"I'll rip your nuts from your sack, Vegeta!" Goku retorted.

"I'll rip your eyes from your brain!" Vegeta said.

"I'll rip your dick off and eat it!" Goku shouted.

"That's just fucking sick Kakarot!"

Goku lunged forward, punching Vegeta in the mouth. Vegeta quickly retaliated by slamming his knee into Goku's stomach. Neither were hurt and knew there was nothing to this fight so far. They both went Super Saiyan, then SS2, then Goku went 3.

"Damn! I can't do that! You're a fucking cheater Kakarot!" Vegeta shouted.

Goku giggled and dashed toward Vegeta, launching a blast into his gut. Vegeta flew back, barely catching himself before going out of the ring. Vegeta shot a series of blasts at Goku, but Goku was extremely fast.

"If only I could go Ooazaru! I need my damn tail! How the fuck does Kakarot keep getting it back? Wait, I don't need my tail, I just something to act as a tail!" Vegeta said. He began to squeeze a long terd from his ass and let it hang like a monkey's tail. "That'll do!" He shot a blast into the sky and looked at it. Moments later he went Ooazaru.

"How the hell? He doesn't have a tail! I'll have to go Ooazaru too!" Goku does the same and he is now Ooazaru. The two huge ape's clash. They are equal in strength. Both shoot huge beams from their mouths, trying to knock the other out of the ring, but both hit and they fly out of the ring at the same exact time.

"It looks like there is no winner!" The announcer says. "But that sucks purple penis! We gotta have a winner! So, the first person… or monkey to get back in the ring is the winner!"

Vegeta and Goku start to stir. They both rise to one knee. Then Vegeta is on both legs. Now Goku is one both legs. They each take a step forward. Vegeta grabs a chunk of the ring and throws it at Goku to slow him down. The piece of concrete busts Goku in his fat ape lip, but he goes on. Vegeta is half a step ahead now. "Go Vegeta!" Piccolo shouts, finally standing up. "Go dad!" Gohan shouts next. The crowd is on their feet and it's half and half for their support. One more step and Vegeta will be on the ring. Two for Goku. Vegeta picks his leg up and goes to set it down on the ring for the win, but he suddenly locks up. All of a sudden he shrink back to normal size. Goku has the clear advantage now. He has one step to go, but the same thing happens to him. With little energy, both competitors fall out on the ground.

"This is the damnedest shit I've ever seen!" The announcer said. "We have to have a winner! So, by default I declare Hercule the winner!"

"How the fuck?" Piccolo and Gohan shouted together. "That's bullshit!"

"Yeah!" Hercule chimed in as he ran onto the ring. "I'm the champ! I told you people I could do it!"

"You didn't do shit!" Some crowd member shouted. Then everyone started yelling and cursing Hercule.

"Fuck you ungrateful people!" Hercule shouted. "I'm rich as hell! I'm the mother fucking champion too, so fuck off!" Hercule nor the announcer noticed that Vegeta and Goku were now back in the ring. Vegeta slammed his foot into Hercules mouth while Goku jabbed him in the gut. Hercule went down like a little baby and the crowd cheered.

"I guess we're pretty even then Kakarot." Vegeta said.

"Guess so." Goku said as he made his way to the ring exit.

"I suppose we should try this again some time." Vegeta said standing in front of the steps that lead out of the ring. "After you, Kakarot."

"Thanks Vegeta." Goku said as he stepped off the stage.

"FUCK YEAH BITCH I WIN!" Vegeta shouted. "We might be equal in strength, but you're dumb as fuck!"

Goku smirked. "Ya got me Vegeta, ha ha ha, very funny. Now can we go home, I'm ready to fuck my wife and my son's wife!"

"What?" Gohan shouted.

"Oh nothing…" Goku said as he, Vegeta, and Piccolo laughed.

"Is Videl's pussy wide?" Vegeta asked Gohan.

"Actually it is. Why is that?" Gohan said.

"Cause Piccolo can stretch his limbs!" Vegeta said busting out in laughter.

"Huh! What's Piccolo got to do with Videl?" Gohan asked.

Goku and Vegeta looked at Piccolo and laughed. Everyone laughed. Hercule jumped up. "I hit that shit too!" He said and everyone laughed even harder.

THE END


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